We’re a month into the New Year, so, how are those resolutions holding up? Research has shown people typically abandon their resolutions by the second week of January (if not sooner). But why DON’T theses goals and objectives stick? Why can’t we find a way to keep the dopamine rush of making the goals, extend to actually obtaining them? Some would say our approach to setting these objectives is all wrong. Let’s be honest–most resolutions are the ghosts of failed New Year’s promise past, made to rectify and right the things you didn’t see through. If these goals aren’t made from a positive place of optimism, hope and like the amazing woman you’re about to hear from would say, made with soul, it makes them even harder to confront each day. I had the immense pleasure of speaking with Bailey Frumen, author, therapist and Life Coach. She breaks down how we can turn our resolution list into a lifestyle. Also, make sure you check out Bailey’s new book, Own Your Power!
Do you think creating a vision board is valuable? If so, what is your approach to making them meaningful and actionable?
I definitely think that it’s really important for you to be clear about your vision. Being clear about your vision can happen in a number of ways. Vision boards are incredibly powerful, because it gives you that opportunity to be uncensored with going through and trying to see what you naturally gravitate towards.
Vision boards are incredibly powerful, because it gives you that opportunity to be uncensored
If you’re flipping through a bunch of magazines and you actually gravitate toward a picture of a car, or a statement that says, “you can do it”, or “best year yet”, or a picture of a happy couple. It gives you an indication of what you’re really attracted to and what you either are hoping to bring into your life, or what your current priorities are. It’s important to know how you want to feel when you acquire these things.
The six areas that I like to look at more than anything are our spiritual, our mental and emotional, our physical, our financial, our relationships and our career. Those six areas tend to be the heavy hitters for everybody. It’s not about being completely “balanced” in each area, but it’s about having your vision for what you desire in each area. Now, creating the vision map is often a great starter towards a vision board, because when we have an idea of what we want, then we kind of know what we’re looking for.
Having a successful year, whether it’s a new year or just a new chapter at any point of the 365 days we’re offered each year. It’s really about three important things. The first is vision, the second is how you want to feel in your vision. If you are vision boarding a bunch of pictures of relationships, or you’re writing about relationship in your vision map, these are the things that you want, but how will it make you feel.
Why do you want what you want?
Third and most important is why. Why do you want what you want? We might say, okay financially I really want a fat bank account, and I want a private jet, and I want trips to the islands every month, but why. Why do you want those things?
We go deeper let’s just say, we’re playing with this one and we’re saying, I want a fat bank account because actually I grew up without much money and that didn’t make me feel safe, but if I have money in the bank, then I’ll feel safe and I’ll feel protected. What you really desire, is you desire to feel safe.
Part of how vision boards or vision maps or even new years resolutions that trip people up every year, is that every morning that they wake up and they’re not that “perfect versions of themselves” or they’re not the millionaire that they want to be, they’ve already discredited themselves as a failure in most cases. If instead you can use that as the north star or the carrot that you dangle so you know which direction that you’re headed in to, and it’s just a mindset shift. It can be inspiring rather than having us feel like we’re not there yet.
How do you think we can approach resolutions or life modifications in a way that actually makes them possible to fulfill in the new year? A lot of people just, like you said, they put down pictures of cars and cash and TVs and items, and it gets clouded when you go into February and March.
Ultimately it’s about goals with soul. This is something that I talk about in the Own Your Power Mastery program, because goals with soul stick. When we know why, why has that stickiness that has up pursuing our goal even when we’re faced with adversity.
The reason I like to create a theme for the year is that themes create momentum within our intentions.
Of course looking good in a bikini is a bonus, but it’s not the why that helps people wake up early or going to the gym after work when they’d rather be home. It doesn’t do it. It’s the stickiness factor. It’s that I want to get healthier, I want to get stronger, I really want to hike Mt. Kilimanjaro, so I got to get my cardio up. It’s that why that makes it far more sticky.
I’ve been doing it for about four years now. It’s a game changer. Instead of New Year’s resolutions, what I like to do is I like to create a theme for the year. The reason I like to create a theme for the year is that themes create momentum within our intentions. Themes allow us to be in a state of being rather than that constant doing. When it comes to resolutions, often times resolutions are about abstaining from something. This year i’m not going to eat sugar or this is the year I’m not going skip the gym. We often make resolutions about abstaining. That also doesn’t fill our soul. It’s not about the check, check, check, check, check list of goals, and it’s not about the not doing of resolutions, but I think it’s more about themes. About using who you want to be in the year ahead, what you want to be the intention that guides you in your year ahead.
We often make resolutions about abstaining. That also doesn’t fill our soul.
The second thing is to think about what do you want to leave behind in 2016? What no longer servicing you, and you’re just like, you know what, fighting with my mother. I’m going to leave that behind in 2016. I can’t do that for another year. I’m going to leave behind not having the confidence to put myself out there. That’s not serving me, I’m going to leave that behind. We think about those things that we want to leave behind in the previous year, because unless we take stock, I promise you we’re taking them with us in the next year.
The third thing that we want to think about is who do we want to be in the coming year? When we think about the who do we want to be in the coming year, then we think about what do we want to accomplish. We think about how we want to spend our time. We think about how we want to take care of ourselves. We think on a deeper level. If we go back to your original question about resolutions, they do often come from the do, do, do. That doesn’t always sustain us for 12 months. Instead we think about who we want to be, and how do we want to show up. That’s the most important.
Then the fourth element to stepping into themes is to use that time to answer those first three questions, reflection on those first three questions and see what patterns pop up. Let’s just say that when you talk about your highlights, the world freedom is in there a couple times. When you talk about things you want to leave behind, you also notice that you want to be free of something that holding you back. When you look at who you want to be in the coming year, you also see that freedom is a word that pops up again. When the fourth step is taking stock in your reflection, and seeing the patterns that pop up. Perhaps those patterns often give us an indication of our theme for our coming year. In that instance we would say, your theme is freedom or being free.
And make sure you check out Bailey’s new book, Own Your Power!